Perfectionism: A Double-Edged Sword
Perfectionism is one of my greatest flaws. It has stopped me from starting tasks, slowed progress on passion projects, and built an unhealthy relationship with failure. I’ve spent far too long on creative work and let this mindset become a roadblock to success. Yet, perfectionism has also driven me to achieve goals: losing weight, reaching financial milestones, and choosing thoughtful gifts for loved ones.
For most of my life, I’ve set incredibly high expectations for myself. Falling short in any competitive situation used to send me into a depressive spiral. Scoring poorly on a test made me feel like I was doomed to failure. Any form of rejection would echo in my mind for weeks.
This happens because my inner voice insists that I must be perfect. Anything less feels unacceptable. When I fail—or even risk being seen as flawed—I punish myself relentlessly, just like BoJack Horseman in this scene:
I know this isn’t a productive or healthy way to think. But for better or worse, it’s how I’ve wired my brain. That said, this mindset isn’t entirely negative. High internal standards have delivered tangible benefits. I earned good grades from elementary school through my bachelor’s degree in Industrial and Systems Engineering. I built strong saving habits, lost 30 pounds in ten months, and developed a love for reading. Like many traits, perfectionism isn’t inherently good or bad—it’s how I use it that determines its value.
Where It All Began
Like many others, I trace my perfectionism back to childhood. As my brain developed its theory of control over the world, small moments and major events cemented this mindset. Sharing any part of myself felt like an open invitation for judgment and critique. And let’s be honest—who likes being told they’re flawed? Our brains are wired to detect flaws in others, not ourselves. Yet honest, constructive feedback is essential for growth.
As kids, we crave praise, especially from parents and authority figures. A well-timed compliment feels amazing and helps build confidence. But excessive praise can create problems. In American culture, we celebrate children for almost anything, and while encouragement has its place, over-reliance on praise can turn into an addiction. For a child’s developing brain, this creates fertile ground for perfectionism to take root.
A Path to Change
Over time, I’ve recognized the destructive patterns perfectionism creates in my life. Acknowledging this issue gave me the chance to address it. Have I been perfect (pun intended) in fixing it? Of course not—and that’s the point. Perfectionism isn’t something I can erase. Instead, I’ve learned to harness it and use it as a tool rather than letting it control me.
Here are the strategies I rely on:
- Set Deadlines
- Deadlines force me to prioritize action over endless tweaking. Instead of obsessing over minor details, I focus on crossing the finish line.
- Adopt a Growth Mindset
- For years, I clung to a rigid idea of success. If I couldn’t meet my impossible standards, my self-worth would plummet, and I’d stop trying altogether. Shifting to a growth mindset allowed me to see failure as a learning opportunity instead of a permanent flaw.
- Document Progress
- Perfectionism often makes success feel invisible. By documenting my progress—whether it’s journaling milestones or taking photos of completed projects—I create a record of achievements I can’t deny.
- Embrace Iteration
- The first version of anything will always have flaws. That’s just the nature of creating. Now, I view each iteration as a step forward rather than a sign of imperfection. As Heraclitus said, “You cannot step into the same river twice.”
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism will always be part of who I am. But instead of letting it paralyze me, I’ve chosen to work with it—to turn it from a flaw into a tool. As Thomas Paine once wrote:
“To err is Humane; to Forgive, Divine.”
I could write about this topic forever, but I’d rather hear from you! Drop a comment if you can relate to the beautifully overwhelming experience of perfectionism—I’d love to know your thoughts.